Let Them Eat Cake
by Amythista
Summary: Drabbley fluff. Wheatley wants GLaDOS to make him a cake. GLaDOS is unamused.


A/N: So basically, fluff and what is this I don't even._  
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><p>It was a fairly average day at Aperture Laboratories. Well, as average a day at Aperture Laboratories could get. GLaDOS was repairing parts of the facility, Atlas and P-BODY were testing, and Wheatley, newly returned to Earth, was zipping around on his management rail, feeling very grateful for gravity.<p>

"How can you fail at this? This isn't even a test!" he heard GLaDOS admonish over the intercom system. From this he deduced after a slight pause that he was fairly close to the cooperative testing courses, so he decided to drop in and watch for a while.

It was an easy test chamber. GLaDOS was testing out a new piece of equipment, some vacuum thing, so the objective here was to make sure the cube wasn't sucked into the vacuum. Wheatley watched for a few moments, trying very hard not to think of the test euphoria and the horrible things he had done because of it.

"Hello!" he called, but he was drowned out by the loud vacuum and they didn't respond. He tried a few more times to speak to the robots, but to no avail. "Ah, um, maybe I'll drop in during another test chamber when it isn't so loud, then? Right, um, see you later." With that, he zipped off again.

_There's not much to do around this facility, is there? _Wheatley thought with a sigh. She had forbidden him from going anywhere near any parts of the facility he could potentially screw up, which ruled out most of the interesting bits. When he had pointed this out, she had offered him a one-way trip to Android Hell, an invitation he wasted no time in refusing.

Against the will of the part of him that wanted nothing more than survival, he decided to go visit GLaDOS, just to see if she had anything for him to do. With a destination in mind, he took off at full speed.

"Love?" he sing-songed as he arrived in Her chamber. "You haven't got anything for me to do, have you? Maintenance? Observing the test chambers? Making sure things don't explode, that kinda thing?"

This brought about a long-suffering sigh from GLaDOS. She didn't even bother to turn towards him. "No. Go away."

"No need to be so cold," Wheatley protested, going closer to her. "I can make myself useful, really I can! Just let me try!"

"Ask again and you'll be taking that trip to Android Hell I promised you."

The two sat in her chamber silently, he stewing in anger and frustration, she mildly irritated as she returned her attention to the co-op courses. "Hm. Not bad. And stop that. You look like morons."

"Love?" Wheatley said, a hint of a whine in his voice.

"Speaking of morons, I'll be right back. There's a little one begging for my attention. Try not to die too many times during this next course."

"I'm not a moron," he muttered for the thousandth time.

She turned her optic towards him. _"Now _what do you want?"

Now that she had her attention, Wheatley struggled to come up with something interesting to say. Maybe strike up a conversation about the Cooperative Testing Initiative…or just testing in general. Or the gel or the sunlight bridge or the cake she kept promising but would probably never follow up on…hm…

"Have you ever made a cake before?" Wheatley asked, zooming a little closer.

"...of course I have. How many times do you think I've promised cake to test subjects?"

"Many more times than you've actually given some to them." the little core countered.

"Are you calling me a liar?" she demanded, moving a little closer. He backed away, muttering something. GLaDOS didn't often use her considerable size as a way of intimidating people, but it did seem to work pretty well. She made a mental note of this as she checked on the reconstruction of the room made entirely out of glass. Wheatley, meanwhile, worked up the nerve to challenge her.

"...make one now, then!"

"No."

He drooped, a little put off. "...did you really need to shoot me down that quickly, love...?"

"I am _not_making you a cake," she emphasized.

"Ohh," Wheatley singsonged as his optic rolled. "I think you're just chicken."

"What?"

"Chicken! The Great Queen of Science is afraid!" he crowed. "You know you can't make a cake, and you're too _chicken_to try!"

"I...I am not chicken!" GLaDOS said, whirling towards him, optic narrowing. "_Great Queen of Science"?..._

"Chicken, chicken!" Wheatley sang, "Chickeny chicken who, um...is chicken...ah!"

A claw descended and grabbed Wheatley off his rail, lifting him up until he was right in front of her optic._ "I am not chicken."_

"O-okay..." he managed to squeak before he was dropped unceremoniously to the floor, eliciting a loud yelp."Now _go away." _A panel lifted and brought him back up to his management rail. He backed out of the room, hesitating at the exit before speeding away. "Chicken..." he muttered as he sped past some testing chambers.

"I heard that."

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><p>"Moron."<p>

Wheatley jerked at her voice over the intercom. "I'm not a moron!"

"Go to the old defective turret room. Now."

"Er...all right?" said Wheatley nervously. "Why...?"

There was no response, so Wheatley very cautiously made his way to the room he was called into. _Fantasic._ he thought gloomily as he moved along. _She's probably come up with something horrible to punish me with. Like that trip to Android Hell, or a turret firing squad, or the room where all the robots scream at you..._

The door opened for him as he approached. The room was dead silent, a fact that made Wheatley very uneasily. Slowly he entered the room.

All of a sudden, the lights went out. Wheatley screamed.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I swear! You're not a chicken! I didn't mean it! Don't send me to Android Hell!"

A light flicked on in the middle of the room. He thought for one panicked moment that was a turret, but the light was yellow. And bright. It lit up the space around it, in particular the cake it was attached to.

_Ah, it's just a candle._ he thought, relived.

…

…

_Hold on, a CAKE?_

Yes, a cake. A black forest cake, to be precise, sitting there looking delicious and moist. The candle flickered as Wheatley stared, a bit awed.

"Love?" he said, looking around for a camera. There was no response.

"...GLaDOS?" It was the first time he had used her name, he realized. Perhaps this was what caused her to speak.

"What do you want now?" she said, a little defensively.

"…it looks great. I mean, if I had a mouth and arms and such parts required to eat it, I'd eat it. But, erm, as it turns out, I can't. It's a lovely cake, though, really, and it was…well, you made it, didn't you…"

"Of course I made it." She replied, choosing to ignore the compliment. "And now we've wasted a perfectly good cake because of your inability to consume it. Congratulations."

"Oh." Wheatley's happiness deflated slightly. "…what if you made us cores with taste buds? Then we could eat it!"

"I am _not _making android bodies simply for the purpose of eating cake."

"…so what will we do with it?"

"Throw it away, of course."

"But it's a perfectly good cake!" Wheatley protested, moving closer to the cake, as though he were protecting it. "We can't just throw it away!"

"Yes we can."

"Then why did you make it with the sole purpose of throwing it away?" Wheatley demanded, whirling in frustration. "That's just….that's just stupid!"

"I'm hardly stupid," GLaDOS replied calmly. "Do you know how much information I hold? How many tasks I can perform at once, and how quickly and efficiently I can do them?"

"Of course I do," Wheatley retorted. "I was in your body once, wasn't I?"

There was a long, awkward pause.

"…I had been considering the idea of android bodies."

Wheatley jerked up. _What? No threats? _"Really?"

"Considering. Not necessarily carrying out." She paused. "…it should be fairly simple to install a taste sensor. Actually consuming the food is another story, and I don't want to deal with the waste products that come with consuming."

"A taste sensor? So we can eat the cake?" Wheatley clarified, trying to keep the smile out of his voice.

"Not eat, moron. Weren't you listening? Taste. They're very different. Now, come to my chamber if you want the sensor. If you're not here within five minutes, you're not getting it."

"But you're on the other side of the facility!"

"Then hurry up."

Wheatley took up at top speed, feeling very content. "Love?" he called out as he sped along.

"_Now _what?"

"Thank you."

She made an odd-sounding noise, and the intercom cut off. He laughed as he raced along, the joyful sound filling the empty facility with a hint of life.

_Maybe, _he thought as he raced along, _maybe she's got a good side to her. _

_Maybe, _a second part of him said, _maybe you knew that all along._


End file.
